Have you ever wondered what domestic violence during pregnancy really looks like?
For me, it wasn’t just something I read about or saw on TV.
It was my life.
It was fear mixed with hope, heartbreak mixed with new beginnings.
Leaving while pregnant wasn’t a choice, it was survival.
This kind of violence isn’t always visible.
Sometimes it’s hidden in words, control, or silence.
Many women live through it quietly, unsure where to turn when their hearts are breaking and life inside them is still growing.
I have lived that story three times.
Once when I was pregnant with my oldest, Trinity, and again with my daughter Alivia and my son Darnell.
Each time, I had to make the choice to walk away, even when I didn’t know what would come next.
Where the Cycle Began
When I was pregnant with Trinity, I didn’t even know I was expecting at first.
I was so malnourished that my body was shutting down.
The man I was with would constantly tell me I was getting fat, and he would withhold food or money to control me.
When I finally found out I was pregnant, things got worse.
He became more aggressive and cruel.
The fear, the constant stress, the way I was treated during that pregnancy stayed with me.
It left scars that went far beyond the physical.
It shaped how I saw myself and what I thought I deserved.
For a long time, I believed his words that no one would ever want me once I had a child.
Trinity may not remember everything, but as she grew older, there were moments and dreams that showed she carried some of it with her.
It’s something no child should ever have to experience.
Seeing what that life did to both of us made me promise myself that if I ever saw those warning signs again, I wouldn’t stay.
When Fear Became Louder Than Hope
When I was pregnant with Alivia, I already had Trinity, who was six and a half years old.
Her father had cheated on me multiple times, and while he wasn’t always physically abusive, he was verbally and financially abusive.
There was one moment when he became physical, and I knew right then that I couldn’t live like that again.
After what Trinity and I had gone through, I recognized the warning signs sooner.
I told him that he needed to get his life together for our child and that I was going to stay with my sister for a while.
But instead of working things out, he went the opposite direction.
He got rid of our house, sold his truck, and moved into a friend’s basement.
I remember sitting at my sister’s house, trying to figure out how to get Trinity back into school, how to take care of my unborn baby, and how to make sure all their needs were met.
I had to move back to my hometown in Indiana, three hours away, just to start over.
It wasn’t easy, but I knew staying would have been worse.
The Third Time I Had to Be Brave
Years later, I found myself in a similar situation.
I was nine weeks pregnant with Darnell.
About a year before I became pregnant, I moved from Indiana to Cincinnati, Ohio.
He promised me marriage and a family, and I wanted to believe that this time would be different.
But the truth was, he used guilt and control to keep me quiet, making me feel like being a stay-at-home mom was my only choice.
When I became pregnant, I began to see that what I thought was love was really control.
He would break things when he was angry, call me names, make fun of my body, and ignore me for days at a time.
Sometimes he would even isolate himself as a way to punish me emotionally.
But what hurt the most was when he started being cruel toward my girls.
That was the moment I knew I had to protect them.
I packed up Trinity and Alivia and went back to Indiana to stay with my mom.
Her house is small, and it wasn’t always easy, but it was safe.
We stayed there for about a month and a half while waiting for an apartment to open up through the YWCA in Cincinnati so the girls could return to school.
A woman named Kim from Talbert House helped me during that time.
She connected me to the YWCA, checked in every day, and reminded me that I wasn’t alone.
Her kindness and consistency meant more to me than she will ever know.
Living With Fear But Choosing Faith
When you leave an abusive relationship, the fear doesn’t just disappear.
It follows you.
I remember lying awake at night wondering how I was going to afford rent, how to feed the kids, and how to make sure the lights stayed on.
If you have ever left while pregnant, or even thought about it, you know that fear too.
But looking back, I realize that fear wasn’t weakness.
It was proof that I still cared.
It was proof that I wanted a better life for my children and myself.
I leaned on quiet faith during that time.
Not loud or showy, but the kind that whispers that God still has a plan, even when everything feels broken.
That kind of faith carried me through the darkest nights and reminded me that even in the middle of fear, there was still hope.
When Abuse Touches Two Lives At Once
Abuse during pregnancy is not always physical.
It can be emotional, financial, or psychological.
But no matter what form it takes, it has real consequences for both mother and baby.
Physical abuse can cause miscarriage, premature birth, stillbirth, and low birth weight.
Emotional abuse can lead to depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
Financial control often keeps women from getting the prenatal care they need.
Constant fear and stress can affect the baby’s health and bonding after birth.
Nearly one in five expectant mothers experiences domestic violence.
In some parts of the world, that number is even higher.
These are not just statistics.
These are real women and children who deserve safety, hope, and love.
Finding Help and Breaking Through the Silence
Leaving isn’t easy.
There is fear, shame, judgment, and the worry that no one will believe you.
But there are people and programs ready to help you take that first step.
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
You just have to believe that you deserve better.
You and your baby both deserve to be safe and loved.
These are the same places that helped me, and they can help you too.
YWCA of Greater Cincinnati
24-hour domestic violence hotline: (513) 872-9259
Provides safe housing, counseling, and support for moms and children.
Visit YWCA Cincinnati
Women Helping Women
24-hour crisis hotline (call or text): (513) 381-5610
Toll-free: (877) 889-5610
Supports survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking through crisis intervention, safety planning, and ongoing advocacy for women and families in Hamilton County and surrounding areas.
Visit Women Helping Women
Talbert House
Crisis and family services: (513) 281-CARE (2273)
Offers mental health, family, and community support.
Visit Talbert House
Ohio Domestic Violence Network
Statewide shelters, advocacy, and programs for survivors.
Visit ODVN
513Relief
Housing, food, and utility assistance for families in Hamilton County.
Visit 513Relief
If you are not in Ohio, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24 hours a day at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or online at thehotline.org.
A Note on Safety and Privacy
If you are searching for help or reaching out to anyone for support, please be careful about your privacy.
Clear your browser history and call history after looking up resources.
Abusers sometimes monitor phones, computers, and social media.
Keep important phone numbers and addresses written down and hidden in a safe place that only you can access.
If possible, use a friend’s phone, a library computer, or a work device to search for information or make calls.
Your safety always comes first.
Learning To Breathe Again
It took time for me to realize that leaving wasn’t about failure.
It was about love.
Love for my children and love for myself.
Every small victory after that, finding a safe home, seeing my kids smile again, holding a healthy baby, was proof that we were healing.
I share my story because I know someone out there needs to hear it.
Maybe that someone is you.
Maybe you are sitting somewhere right now wondering how to take that first step.
Please know that you are not alone.
There is help, there is hope, and there is life after fear.
You can rebuild.
You can heal.
You can find peace again.
If my story touched you, or if you want to be part of a community that believes in healing and hope, I invite you to subscribe to my email list.
I share stories, encouragement, and resources to help other moms walking through hard seasons.
If you know someone who needs to hear this, please share it.
And if you’ve walked a similar road, I would love for you to leave a comment and share your story.
You never know who might need to read your words today.
Together, we can raise awareness, support one another, and make sure no woman has to face pregnancy in fear ever again.
Because sometimes, the most powerful thing a mother can do is choose safety.
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