How To Escape Your Abusive Relationship

Have you ever wondered how to escape your abusive relationship?

When planning your escape there are so many things that you have to plan and think about. 

Planning your escape can be very emotional and overwhelming, so it is important to make a plan then stick to it.

Involving someone you trust in your plan can give you someone to reach out to for support.

Take a deep breathe and remember you are worth so much.  

Let's get started   

 

Escape Your Abusive Relationship 

As a survivor of domestic violence I know how important planning your escape is. 

Making the choice to escape your abuser isn't an easy choice to make.

If you are like me you may have tried before to leave and either they found you or you went back. 

The best thing you can do is leave and stay gone.

Do your best to not leave anything behind so you do not have to go back. 

When you are planning to escape make sure you only tell people you trust.

You do not want the information getting back to your abuser.

Make sure any searches you make that has anything to do with leaving is removed from your browsing history.

Phone call logs and texts need to be removed from your phone history. 

Be sure that your abuser does not have key loggging on the computer you use or receive copies of your text messages.

Make sure that anything important is written down and put in a safe place where they will not find it.

Your life may depend on this.

You do not want your abuser to know you plan to leave because removing any control they may have could be life threatening to you or your loved ones.

Remember that abusive people are ticking time bombs and they are capable of anything when control is being taken from them.

 

 

Be Prepared To Escape  

When you plan to escape your abuser, you need to make sure you are ready.

I don't just mean ready by having things packed and ready.

I'm talking emotionally, mentally, and physically ready.

This is a huge step to take, but trust me its well worth it, because you are worth it. 

Getting ready to start your plan takes truly being ready to get out.

Talking to a close friend or counselor can help prepare you for the escape. 

You need to be confident in yourself and the plan to escape. 

I can not stress enough how important it is to truly be ready when you take this step. 

On average it takes woman 7 attempts to leave the relationship permanently. 

I was one of those woman and I can tell you doing it when you aren't truly ready the consequences become greater when you return. 

Your abuser can become more aggressive which could lead to the cost of your life or they may pay more attention to what you are doing making it harder to leave again. 

 

Make A Date To Escape Your Abuser 

Once you've finally become ready to plan your escape, set a date that is in reach and stick to it the best you can. 

Make a plan that you can use to escape quickly if you need to.

This means knowing where you can exit the house in a hurry. 

You may want to reach out to some trusted friends or family to make them aware or even get help in the escape plan. 

Let them know that you plan to leave your abuser.

Erase Data And Find A Safe Place To Stay

If you don't have someone you can trust then look up local domestic violence shelters.

If you don't know where to start, call your local police or sheriffs department, they should have a list of local shelters or other helpful places. 

Make sure you keep numbers and other important information written and in a safe place. 

Clear all search history from the computer or the phone if you leave it behind.

Clear your call log on your phone so there is no trace of your plan. 

Remember that while leaving your phone behind might be scary, taking it with you means they could easily trace the phone and find your location.

It is better to buy a brand new prepaid cell phone and get a new phone number so it is not as easy to trace you.

 

Put Important Documents In A Safe Place

When planning your escape, it's important that you make copies of all important documents in the event that your abuser takes the original ones. 

Having copies made and taking them some where safe will ensure that when you leave you can still get housing, a job, or or anything else that you may need. 

Some ideas for where to keep them well you finish putting your plan together are: a safety deposit box, a friend or family members house, or in a lock box.  

You need to make copies of all important documents for you and your children.

Some the items you need are: birth certificates, passports, I.D., health insurance cards, social security cards, custody agreement(if you have one), all important medical records, shot records, car title and insurance information, last bank statement, and a list of phone numbers for people you may need to contact. 

If the car is in both names, it might be best to leave it behind if possible.

 

Pack A Get Away Bag 

When planning your escape I strongly suggest making a "get away bag". 

Make sure you keep this bag somewhere you can get to it quickly.

There could be something that happens and you need to leave right away. 

Some ideas of where to put your bag are in the trunk of your car, close to the entrance of your home, or keep it at a trusted friend or family members house. 

Keep this bag away from where your abuser may find it. 

If things become violent or life threatening this is a quick way to have a few things ready.

Make sure you pack for you and your children.  

In this bag you can put a few outfits, socks, tooth brush, toothpaste, deodorant, hair brush, some small to go personal hygiene products, medications,  an extra set of contacts or glasses, a spare key to the car, directions to where you are going, a cheap prepaid cell phone, and some extra cash.

If you do not have the means to make your own money, ask someone you trust if you can borrow some money from them.

Another way to hide this get away bag in plain sight is to call it an emergency evacuation bag, which does mean adding some different items into it, but you do what you have to do to make it work.

 

Be Prepared To Escape Your Abuser 

Make sure your gas tank and phone are fully charged before the day you actually plan to leave.

I would recommend making a habit of this way before you actually leave that way it doesn't throw up red flags.

You never know if you will need to leave in a hurry. 

If you don't have a vehicle, then make sure whoever is helping you leave is ready.

Make anyone who is helping in the escape plan aware of the plan. 

It is best to leave when your abuser is either not at home or sleeping. 

Leaving when they are sleeping or not home will help keep you and your loved ones safe while you leave.

You and your children's safety is the most important thing.

In the event that you have to leave quickly make sure you remember your escape plan to exit your home.  

If you are staying in a shelter, make sure you call them and let them know you are coming and make sure they have room. 

If something happens and they don't have room, ask if there are other options or call someone you trust and ask if you can stay until a room opens up at the shelter.

However be aware that your abuser will likely look for you at friends and families houses first.

Stay Calm And Stick To Your Plan

Make sure that you stay calm and stick to your plan this is so important. 

Making the plan to escape your abusive relationship is the best choice you can make for you and your loved ones.

If at any point during your planning or during the escape you feel unsafe call 911. 

I would recommend telling an older child about the prepaid cell phone in case you can't get to it. 

Remember you and your loved ones safety is the most important thing. 

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